15The LORD has taken away His judgments against you,
He has cleared away your enemies.
The King of Israel, the LORD, is in your midst;
You will fear disaster no more.

16In that day it will be said to Jerusalem:
“Do not be afraid, O Zion;
Do not let your hands fall limp.

17“The LORD your God is in your midst,
A victorious warrior.
He will exult over you with joy,
He will be quiet in His love,
He will rejoice over you with shouts of joy.


I friggin love these verses. In verse 16 Zephaniah says,"Do not let your hands fall limp." I picture myself defeated, beat up, exhausted, and about to lose all confidence. Then the encouragement of God being in our midst who is always victorious. He then shows how God delights in us and is quiet in His love. I love that as well. I was thinking how I get all those loud thoughts going through my head, the worry, and the frustrations I face that sometimes seem to come out of nowhere. A love that quiets, then the next verse rejoicing with shouts of joy. Shouts of joy because we are His beloved.

King James Only

"But when He, the Spirit of truth, comes, He will guide you into all the truth; for He will not speak on His own initiative, but whatever He hears, He will speak; and He will disclose to you what is to come.

We talked a bit on translations of the text today and I thought about this verse. I remember back when I was in Costa Rica and I was in a men's bible study. A discussion arose about which bible translation is the most accurate and some of the men were making fun of people who read the message version or the new living translation...ect. I was recently given a new living translation and I had it with me as this discussion arose. I found myself hiding the bible from the view of the men as the one who was most stark in his stance belittled the "lesser accurate translations" as if the one he chose was the most accurate. This is not the first time I had been in such a discussion. I typically think this view comes from selfish arrogance more than anything. Of course he had the King James version. This is not the first time I have been around someone who is a King James only type of guy. Whether or not this type of guy is right or not, I really don't care. What does bug the hell out of me is how arrogant, obnoxious, and self-righteous these people are. I do think that going back to the original Hebrew and Greek to understand the context is of the utmost importance to gain a complete understanding of what Jesus or the other authors were saying. I don't however think that God is limited to speak to us in whatever translation we choose to read. As a new Christian the first bible I was given was a NLT and God spoke to me many times and many times I received repeated confirmation outside of what I had studied in the Word. Years later I decided to use the NASB and I continue to use it, not because it is a more accurate translation, but because I like it. I don't think God is going to say to me,"Bryan, I will not speak to you if you do not pick up a King James bible." Nor do I think that someone who reads a King James only has more insight into God than someone who reads a "less accurate translation." The verse above is from John. I thought of it today while we were in class in relation to our discussion. Jesus was telling us that He was going to give us His Spirit and that He would lead us into all truth. I cannot find where He said that if you don't have the most accurate translation that He won't lead you into truth. Is God challenged to speak to His beloved or does He disapprove that His beloved choose to read a certain translation? I really doubt it.

One time I was in the midst of a King James only discussion and a friend that is absolutely hilarious said something like this,"I hate it when people claim that King James version is the best or most accurate, plus he was gay." Not sure if 100% accurate, but when you look up was King James gay, it appears so. Just a funny come back to someone who is a King James only type.

Well, I have notice that I have been all over the place these past few months. When I say all over the place I mean that I have been trying to figure things out with limited success. I have all these anxieties, irritations, and at moments I have felt like I wanted to explode. The ways I have tried to figure things out or better yet, pointed the finger at situations as being "the problem," has basically been futile. I have written and said things such as, "Maybe I need to move downtown?" Yeah, that's it! Or, "Maybe I need to stop going to house church and serve a couple times a week?" Nope. House church has been good for me and it just seems like a lot to do with training school and the extra class on Monday nights now added. Whenever I am experiencing emotions such as the ones I mentioned, like most guys do, I try and find the problem and fix it. I then think that I have found the problem, which is never me:), and then come up with a solution. Funny thing is, I never follow through with it, cause I know that it is not going to work. I don't know if that makes any sense. I know myself well enough and I have been through this enough times to know that there is no quick fix to the broken soul. I however want one and like to try and finagle a quicky, as if God would let my logic prevail. Finagle a quicky. LOL I gotta stop.LOL

Sticks and Stones will....

This morning my Dad and I went to talk to my Aunt that is living in a well, shitty situation. That word fits better than any proper word found in the dictionary. We confronted and talked for about 5 hours. Typically this is way too long for a fly by the night intervention, but since it was family I thought it was an exception. She is staying with us tonight to allow her to get a good nights rest and to stay away from the South Side of Chicago.

I was able to see her irrational thought process unravel as our conversation grew longer. This man she was living with has completely manipulated and abused her mentally and physically. She has lost the majority of her self-respect, self-esteem, and self-worth. She still wants to go see him after all the abuse and believes that she loves him. She has her own problems that need to be addressed, but he is a scum bag. I hope God gives her the strength to walk away and get help. We went to great lengths to convince her she is in a bad situation and needs to get help. It is ultimately up to her to make the choice.

Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me. Whoever made that song up was lying.

Pour House

Last night I got to serve with the Pour House. I have gone out to hand things out to the men on the street quite a few times since I have been home, but I have been lacking direction or better yet, I was just wingin it. I like wingin it, but it was cool to see Andrea direct and interact with the people as she talked to them and made notes or maybe it was emails she was writing on her cell phone? I am grateful Larry connected me with her and Chad. I enjoyed talking with Chad and hearing his story. We had a lot to talk about since our stories are relatively similar and we both like working out. Correction, love working out.

A cool thing happened to me the other day before I went into the gym. I was searching through my bag and I noticed a key with a little white tag on it. We were up in Toronto a little over a week ago and Holy Trinity had a service where people could get a key and write something on it. I got one of the last ones and mine had nothing on it. I had forgotten about it and when I pulled it out a few days ago it said,"Homeless men and women in Cananda and US." I had those goose bumps that us Christians like to call,"Holy Spirit bumps." If there is such a thing? How did that writing get on the tag, for real, who did that? If you did it confess! I just took it as a nudge from God and I was encouraged. I needed encouragement as this season of life has been increasingly challenging and frustrating.

I met a young man who was 26 years old last night. He said hello to me and then mumbled some things to me. I leaned in to better hear him and he mumble some more. I said,"Whats up man, my name is Bryan." He didn't reply, he just looked at me. I was like,"that was strange," and turned away. This happened twice and it was a extremely weird interaction. The guy was talking to me perfectly fine then he went into saying completely off the wall things that I won't repeat. I felt strange and I continued to keep my eye on him, mostly because I was half wondering if he was ok and the other thoughts I was having had to do with wondering if I was losing it myself. I thought my ears were popping and that I was having troubles seeing during the interaction I had with him. It was a strange phenomenon. Well, I sat down and talked to him some more. Chad came up and spoke with him as well. As we asked him some questions about his life it came out that he had schizophrenia and did not have his meds. "Ok," I thought to myself, now this makes sense. I am increasingly becoming aware since being in training school how much I judge people on one interaction or just on how I perceive them. It is so imperative to learn someones story first. Not so you can then judge them, but because after you learn someones story you increasingly relate and grow compassion for the person. It is amazing how much we all have in common as well.

I heard God speak to me about my complaining and ungratefulness as well as I sat and talked to him. He is living out on the streets and his parents wont let him back in the house. He asked me where I lived and I told him that I was staying at my folk's place. He asked me how it was going and as I began to say how it sucks at times, that I was speaking to a man that ached inside because his parent's would not let him stay at their place. His response was what I expected,"I would give anything to stay at my parents place." I knew that was coming. I shook my head and agreement and I recognized with utter quickness how I have no reason to complain.

Homework from Patrick in Toronto

I was at the computer earlier and I overheard my mom talking to my dad. My irritation grew to the point of cussing, so I knew it was time to withdrawal from the computer and go to a quiet place. Finding a quiet place is friggin challenging.amen. So I wrote in my journal my current frustrations and questions to why I am feeling the way I am. I did not come up with anything, but it felt good to put my feelings on the pages. I prayed and asked God to encourage me and give me a scripture or a psalm. I thought I heard Him say psalm 67, but as I read it I was sure I put that thought into my head. This is not the first time I have done this. So , I was more lead to go to Isaiah and I stopped on a passage I had in parenthesis in Isaiah 41 and I know for sure God wanted me to read it as our friend Patrick in Toronto told us to. Well, I started to plug my name in where Israel and Jacob is and I started weeping. This is what God truly thinks of us. I often think the worst of myself and that God is mad at me or what satan tells me about myself, but this shook my world tonight. Try it...
Isaiah 41
8 “But you, Israel, my servant,
Jacob, whom I have chosen,
you descendants of Abraham my friend,
9 I took you from the ends of the earth,
from its farthest corners I called you.
I said, ‘You are my servant’;
I have chosen you and have not rejected you.
10 So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

11 “All who rage against you
will surely be ashamed and disgraced;
those who oppose you
will be as nothing and perish.
12 Though you search for your enemies,
you will not find them.
Those who wage war against you
will be as nothing at all.
13 For I am the LORD your God
who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
I will help you.
14 Do not be afraid, you worm Jacob,
little Israel, do not fear,
for I myself will help you,” declares the LORD,
your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel.
15 “See, I will make you into a threshing sledge,
new and sharp, with many teeth.
You will thresh the mountains and crush them,
and reduce the hills to chaff.
16 You will winnow them, the wind will pick them up,
and a gale will blow them away.
But you will rejoice in the LORD
and glory in the Holy One of Israel.

F Bomb/Welcome

I heard a man named James say fuck in church this past Sunday. He went on a rant after an announcement was made about having a dessert party for Christmas. He was drunk and wanted to let everyone know that they should pitch in to help out. He got up out of his seat and slammed some coin on the table and told everyone to "jam up," which meant to pitch in because they deserve it for what they do at Sanctuary. James was the same guy who the night before almost got into a fight during their arts show. During the art show it was awesome to see how it was handled. Greg helped separate the men and ended up talking to and praying with James. As the fight began it 4 girls made their escape as if they were about to avoid certain death. Everyone else remained calm and the show went on. It was nice to hear the F-Bomb and to see a fight almost break out. Wow, now this is church. It is what most of us want to say at times and also what some of us would like to do with one another. James just did what most of us want to do and he wasn't excommunicated for it.

I shook Greg Paul's hand and he told me,"Nice to meet you, welcome." Welcome is a word that when someone says it, they mean it. Sometimes people say,"Nice to meet you, or pleasure," and they just say it because that is what you say, but when the word welcome is said too......I heard these same words last time I was in Toronto from men on the street and I know it is genuine. All you have to do is go to church on Sunday night and there is a feeling of welcome when you walk in. There are people from all walks of life and ethnicity. Welcome allows you to let your guard down and be yourself. I think it is what we are going to hear Jesus say to us when we meet Him. Welcome.

Hmmmm?

The past few weeks I have had God stirring me up quite a bit and I felt like it came to an end this past weekend in Toronto. Yet, today I woke up with an even more intense anxiety and it continued on into class. I typically am able to somewhat pinpoint why I feel like I do and what is causing it...even when I don't want to acknowledge it. Andrea from the Pourhouse shared her incredible story today and I still felt unengaged. Not that it did not interest me, I just feel my soul longing for something more than conversation. I sense a deep peace, yet my soul is pierced with a deep longing for something richer than what I am currently living in. I heard someone read psalm 62 at Sanctuary in Toronto and I recognized it right away, because it is one of my favs..

¹ Truly my soul finds rest in God;
my salvation comes from him.
² Truly he is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.

³ How long will you assault me?
Would all of you throw me down—
this leaning wall, this tottering fence?
⁴ Surely they intend to topple me
from my lofty place;
they take delight in lies.
With their mouths they bless,
but in their hearts they curse.^b]">[b]

⁵ Yes, my soul, find rest in God;
my hope comes from him.
⁶ Truly he is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
⁷ My salvation and my honor depend on God^c]">[c];
he is my mighty rock, my refuge.
⁸ Trust in him at all times, you people;
pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge.

⁹ Surely the lowborn are but a breath,
the highborn are but a lie.
If weighed on a balance, they are nothing;
together they are only a breath.
¹⁰ Do not trust in extortion
or put vain hope in stolen goods;
though your riches increase,
do not set your heart on them.

¹¹ One thing God has spoken,
two things I have heard:
“Power belongs to you, God,
¹² and with you, Lord, is unfailing love”;
and, “You reward everyone
according to what they have done.”

So, I was in the shower about 20 minutes ago and I asked God why I am so anxious and paralyzed within and I sensed that He was telling me that I needed to move closer to downtown. I don't know how this is going to happen or when, but I know that God is right:) I continued to unravel these feelings and I am pretty certain that the unrest is from living on the Northside of Indianapolis. I haven't really been able to acknowledge what has been bothering me for the past few weeks, but I think this is a big part of it. I lived in Costa Rica in what we would clasify as poverty, Toronto, and walking the streets of Indianapolis talking with some men on the streets and supplying what I could of their current needs. I heard Andrea say that her serving satifies her and I think that was the most profound thing she said. Some may see it as selfish, but I see it as one who has hungered and thirsted for righteousness and has truly found satisfaction. A satisfaction that she would not trade. Living up here on the northside is easy and highly comfortable, but I honestly feel like it is too easy to feel detached from Jesus and my calling to love, serve,and use the gifts God has given me.

The temporariness of being in Toronto was hard for me. I did not want to engage in conversation or do the same things again. I just wanted it to be over with. I thoroughly enjoyed Sanctuary and found myself wondering why there is nothing like that place in Indy. Today it sounded like the Pourhouse is the closest thing to it.

Gaurd ya Grill

2 days this week I have gotten randomly angry and for the past 6-7 hours I have been this way. If you looked up sin/pissed off for no reason/about to explode my picture would show up with a death stare. You would not be able to look at the picture for much longer than a quick glance because I would either scare you or jump out of the page to verbally assault you. Geez. Where do moments like this come from!!!?? I was at the computer listening to a lecture for my personal training certification and I think that added to the already irritated demeanor I had been carrying earlier. I was fine when I was on the way to the barber shop. I read an interesting article on Al-Queda, got my haircut, and drove off. While in my car on the way to work out I got randomly pissed off and everyone was in my way. If my car had an oozie and some hellfire missles attached to it I would have wracked up mad kilz. Surely tomorrow will be a better day. We are going to Toronto, which I love. Oh crap, we are going to be in a 12 passenger van for 10 hours.

Roberto

Roberto is an employee at the gym I go to. He is from Chile and has lived here for about 10 years. He said hello to me in Spanish and I said some stuff back. We began talking in English:0 and I eventually asked him the question I like to ask people from other countries. "So, do you think people in America are more friendly or less friendly than your country?" I ask this because I felt that Costa Rican's were more personable in general than us American's. Roberto's response was great and it was easy to tell he had processed it in the past. He said,"It is not that Amercian's are less friendly, they are just more busy!" "You Americans have too much technology and it prevents you from communication." "You get in your car, go to work, get back in you car, into your garage, and into your house without talking to your neighbors." Wow, "This dude is on it," I thought to myself. He did not stop there. I think I struck a nerve or maybe a deep rooted observation he had processed over the years and never got to share. It was like an eruption of relational wisdom. "In our country we don't have all that technology, so we are dependent on our neighbors." "We spend time at our neighbors houses, we go next door to ask for things, we are allowed to cut through each others yards without being harassed." He said,"I have a neighbor who writes me notes on how it upsets him when my friends park in front of his house." "One note he wrote told me how mad he was that someone drove in his grass." "Grass grows back he told me, whats the big deal?"Not only is it not a big deal, his neighbor writes notes instead of interacting. "People in America have a hard time sharing and want to possess." I bought this house, it is mine, this is my property." I told Roberto that this is what we call entitlement. " He said,"Yes, exactly!" "In America nobody has time to talk, we have plenty of time to talk in my country, Roberto continued to tell me." I found this difficult to deal with when I lived in Costa Rica. There was an abundance of down time and people were generally content with just being around each other. I felt unproductive and lazy. It was too much for me. I told Roberto that I thought the Native American culture had family and relationship in general down better than most Americans do. I witnessed very easily and quickly that Costa Rican's valued their time with their families above money, status, or possessions. I don't think all Americans do this, but I do think Roberto has some great observations that I want to further process.

Do you still have no faith?

Today while driving I yelled at the top of my lungs at God. I have had trouble sleeping the past two nights and I am hyper sensitive/grumpy/exhausted. The physical aspects are one thing, but I think that I am spiritually in unison with the physical. I took benadryl to help me sleep and I woke up feeling out of it. This has continued throughout the day. I just got finished dropping off some cd's to my friend who is a chaplain at CCA(jail) and drove down college ave. heading north. I was listening to Lecrea(christian rap artist) and noticed how stone cold angry I was. "I am not supposed to be angry like this," I told myself. I struggle with lust and I have been feeling very frustrated and condemned from patterns of thinking and behavior. As I was driving a brief moment of clarity broke through like when the sun breaks through the clouds after a brief rain in the spring and I realized how much I was believing the lies of the enemy. Satan truly comes to steal, kill, and destroy. I feel robbed of joy, dead inside, and like I am internally on the edge of destruction. In reality things are not that bad, but oh how good the enemy is at creating lies and accusations that bring us to the point of hopelessness. In the midst of the storm in my heart I know Jesus was asleep on the cushion as I yelled at the top of my lungs,"Help me, where are you?" I seriously probably freaked someone out around 15th and College. I immediatly realized after I yelled that God can handle it and that He wanted to take me through the storm and not necessarily yank me out of it. My prayer changed to,"God bring me through this, teach me, and make me stronger." "Even the winds and the waves obey Him," said the terrified disciples. I often just want God to rebuke the wind and the waves so that I can have smooth calm sailing, but I, just like the disciples, wonder why God is not doing something about it right away. Assuming that He does not care because there is no immediate deliverance. Jesus' response to their cry out is a question that leads to a rehashing of all the other times He was there to help you. "Why are you so afraid, do you still have no faith?" He is almost like,"I have been walking with you all this time, performed miracles, raised the dead, cleansed leppers, fed the multitudes on scraps, cast out demons, restored sight to the blind, and you still have no faith? Do you still have no faith?

WoW

http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/news?slug=ti-hamiltongingerale101210

A few weeks ago the Texas Rangers clinched the American League West. Josh Hamilton is the center fielder of the Texas Rangers and chose not to partake in the celebration after the Rangers won the game to clinch the playoff birth. The reason he chose not to join in the celebration is this: He returned to baseball about 3-4 years ago after a serious bout of drug addiction. He was drafted first overall in 1999 and a few years later fell into drug addiction. He was suspended by baseball and continued to struggle. He has an amazing testimony that you can see on youtube if you are interested in the full story.

A few weeks ago I read an article that spoke on his choice to not join his teammates and how it was too bad his demons from the past kept him from joining his teammates. My initial reaction to that was,"No, too bad they did not realize that Josh and his sobriety is more important than some champagne and cigars!" I wondered to myself,"What would it have looked like if his teammates decided not to have champagne and cigars and did something else." That would have been one hell of a story and a beautiful glimpse into the Kingdom come. Some of the comments people made about Josh were flat out sick, selfish, and mean. I thought of 2 scriptures as I read the first article. One comes from 1 Peter 4 and I will give you the Bryan version of what is being said: The time already past was sufficient for you to carry out the lusts of the gentiles who pursued a course of sensuality, debauchery, drunkeness, carousing,orgies, drinking parties and abominal idolalitries. They are surprised that you do not run into the same excess of dissipation and they malign you. Another version says that they heap abuse on you. Another scripture was 1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has seized you except was is common to man and God is faithful, He will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide a way of escape so that you can stand up under it. I found that verse especially fitting. Faith day "just so happened" to be the same day that Josh had a decision to make: Partake of the festivities or choose the way of escape. Praise God that his way of escape was faith day. Come on now, faith day the same day?

At the top of this paragraph is a short story of what just recently happened. His teammates decided to have gingerale instead of champagne this time around. His team just won the AL division series and they considered him more important than themselves. Josh said,"It meant a lot to me. It just says a lot about my teammates, them understanding the sensitivity of my situation."

There is something about seeing other people sacrifice for other people that touches our soul. I especially like how most of these guys are most likely not following Jesus, yet they acted in such a way in line with the Kingdom. Someone on the team or a group of guys realized after the first celebration that they are a team(body) and having one guy absent was not acceptable. They sacrificed in order to make Josh feel welcome, loved, and included in the group. The celebration the first time around was not an intentional exclusion, yet I imagine that Josh felt excluded a bit by not being able to join. Sure he was able to join, but he would have been stupid to do so. Take it from someone who has been in a similar situation as him. It is wise to just not go.

It has been a month....

It has been a month since I last blogged. Where did the word blog come from? Anyways. Training school has been good and I imagine that it is serving it's purpose in each one of our lives in it's unique personal way. I call it an it because it kind of takes on a life of it's own. Larry does a brilliant job of directing conversation, articulating his ideas, and often times asking questions that, at least for me, leaves me francticly wracking my brain for the answer. I often say to myself," Dude get it together, you are a christian and you are supposed to know this stuff." Most of the stuff I do know, or I at least get the idea of the flow of conversation, but articulating a well thought out answer is not my forte and especially not in a short amount of time. One thing I have absorbed from our short time together is that it is acceptable to not know the answer 100% of the time and that everything is not as concrete as I thought it had to be. The phrase black and white comes up quite a bit in class. I like to look at a guy like Mark Driscol as a black and white kind of guy and a guy like Rob Bell who recognises the black and white, respects it, but is not afraid to hang out in the realm of "grey." The grey areas are almost taboo. I won't get into specifics, but we talk about the grey area quite a bit in class and it is refreshing and freeing. It is not easy to wrestle with your theology and ask why, what, how, ect...about scripture and doctrine. It can actually be pretty uncomfortable, but the mental stimulation is a thrill for me. I have ideas about scripture, doctrine, and of who God is. I have been told some things, taught some things, and read some things, but I have rarely picked up the shovel and dug into why I believe what I do and if I do believe this about that, then is it safe to dig a little bit deeper? Meaning to me, is there more to this than the depth I have gotten and what people have taught me, or does God continue to reveal more the farther we are willing to dig? When I read Systematic Theology or listen to Driscoll I get this feeling in my spirit like I have to agree with this dude or I am out of the circle of God and the body of Christ. Or that God has been put into this massive book and here is what you are to believe, believe this and you will be safe, we got it figured out. When I listen to or read a book by Rob Bell I am inspired to know God, serve God, love on the lost, serve the poor, and I feel like my imagination is stoked into searching the Father. Rob doesn't spend much time bashing with doctrine and convincing people they have to know this or they are doomed. I could write forever on this. I like both of them. They both serve their purpose in their community, love God and people, and are great for my walk with Christ. I will end with this: I hate it when Rob is called a heretic or that others won't listen to him because Mark said he wouldn't let him preach at his church unless he saw some real repentance in his beliefs. Come on dude, you are behind the pulpit consistantly putting others down and making jokes about other pastors on a public platform.....

Toronto

Being back from Costa Rica has been a pretty big adjustment. I am grateful to be in the Training School at Common Ground. We left for Toronto on the 25th....this was our first time meeting one another.

7 of us packed into 2 vehicles and headed to Toronto. Far too much amazing things happened that I cannot describe through words. The experience was what it was and I almost feel like I wouldn't do the experiences justice by trying to write about them. We walked approximately 15 miles each day through the city. According to my friend and teacher Larry there are 138 different ethnicities in Toronto. While walking through the city we were exposed to a wide variety of cultures and lifestyles. It was cool to be walking through the gay/drag area then walk into China Town, then into an area called Kensington. Kensington was cool because it was almost like everything was packed into one. For instance: (I don't know exactly where people were from) the cheese shop had people from one country, the meat shop was ran by russians, another meat shop was ran by a family of Ukrainians, there was a Caribean store that had Jamaicans or maybe they were Haitains? I am not exactly sure, but I heard tons of different languages and many different looking people all living in harmony. There was a rhythm to it all. In the park there were people from all walks of life all hanging out. People pushed their children down the slide and on the swings while groups of people smoked weed and drank, while a group from Ukraine played live music, while the skaters skated, and some couples played games....it was like everyone was doing there thing together, but not actually together. It had a unique feeling about it all.

We walked together a lot and we figured it was intentional. Jesus walked with his disciples and shared there stories together. They ate together as well....this is what we did for 5 days straight. Some nights until 3am or so. We shared everything together. Everything was shared. Kind of like what it must have been like in the early church. It created a sense of brother sister relationship rapidly. Rapidly is not a fast enough word. I think this is going to be one of the best years of my life. I am sure there will be some tough times ahead, but It is nice to know that I am going to be going through it by people that love me.

Jared preached on Sunday and did a great job. I think it was probably one of the better services we have had. I was pretty excited because there was a guy named Clay from South Carolina that showed up to the service. I met him the prior Wednesday and we talked for awhile as I was waiting on the guys to come and clean the beach. I asked Clay what he was doing here and he told me that he was trying to figure life out. His girlfriend of four years had just broke up with him and he also just graduated school. He was a baseball player as well and he was promised a shot at the proçs, but it never happened. We had a lot in common. I did not get a chance to talk with him after, but I am glad that he was able to come, being in the position he is in.

Our small group just started a bible study this past Monday. I do not remember the name of it off hand, but it is on prayer. We watched a video and answered some questions. At the end we all got on our knees and prayed for one another. It went extremely well.

We had a staff meeting on Monday following the bible study. The most current news is that we are most likely going to be given an office in Quepos where we can have our meetings,make food for the homeless, have studies, organize events, ect.....it will be awesome to have. Especially since we live outside of Quepos right now. We are looking for a new location for the program. Our hope is to be back in Quepos.

Here are our prayer needs:
New program location
Transportation
Salvation for my friend David
More money for the program
For people who said they were going to help the program to be as good as their word
Love

I am about to head back to Quepos after a couple week stay here in Indianapolis. I had a pretty good time being back. I tried to see as many people as possible:( It was a busy time. I had to do a lot of shopping for others as well as myself. I wanted to not be too busy, but it just seems to not work out that way. I was blessed on my visit here, so really I have no complaints. Time just seems to fly by. I am excited to return and see all the guys from the program and our church. I also am pumped to see my dog. He needs to be trained from what I hear. No kidding, he is like 9 weeks old! It is going to be a heck of a task for me. I am up to it though. Before I left I was thinking that it may have not been such a good idea to get a dog at this point in my life, but I am going to ride it out. It will be worth it in the long run.

I have been reading Luke 16, the parable of the unrighteous steward the past couple of days. Stewardship has been on my heart lately. I need a lot of work with managing/budgeting my finances. At times I think I am doing really good, then at the end of the month I see how much I have spent.....No doubt God has His finger on this. Jesus says,"He who is faithful with a very little thing is faithful also with much and he who is unrighteous with a very little thing will be unfaithful with much. If you have been unfaithful with worldy wealth, who will entrust true riches to you?" This may be my version, but it is pretty close to what Jesus was saying. He goes on to say that you cannot serve two masters either...you will either hate the one and love the other or be devoted to one and despise the other, you cannot serve God and mammon. I found it interesting that Jesus says that if you are faithful with that which is very small, you will be faithful with that which is much. Is Jesus as concerned with the little things as the big? I'd say so. I think I tend to not have a little thing filter. I look around at the big things...most likely stemming from how our culture shoves bigger and better at us all the time. Mother Theresa said,"We can do no great thing, only small things with great love." What a brilliant statement, especially applicable to this day in age. Small things done with love can have great impacts. Even when applied to stewardship....prayerfully spending and giving. I listened to Tony Campolo talk about spending. He said that in the old testament you were supposed to tithe 10% and prayerfully spend the 90. Now he says that all of our money is the Lord's....we tend to tithe our 10%(most of us anyways) and do what we want with the rest. If we are a disciple of Christ all of our money is His. Something like that! He said it much better. I know I can have the mindset that when it is in my hand it is mine or when it is in my possession it is my possession. I am glad God is showing me truth in this area. God wants all of us and all that we have is His.

Stateside

I flew back to Indianapolis on the 20th of April to stay for a few weeks. Since I have been home I have been hanging out with my parents, brother, and I have seen a few friends. I have golfed twice with my dad. There is no golf where I am living in CR. Come to think of it, I don't think there is anywhere they could build a golf course. It is way to mountainous.

This is my second trip home over the past 6 months. One thing I notice since I have been home is my rush to get things I cannot get in CR or that I don't spend money on because they charge twice as much. Simple things you buy at the grocery down there are twice as expensive. Like a small thing of Peter Pan creamy peanut butter costs like 6 bucks down there. Anything that is name brand from the states is twice as expensive down there. Quepos makes money off tourists and they know that tourists are going to pay to have what is familiar...at least I think that is their thinking, along with importing it. My friends have given me lists of things to bring back to Quepos for them as well. Simple things like nuts, t-shirts, peanut butter, things for baking, hair products.......I think we all have things we miss from the states that we cannot get down there, so when someone comes here it is nice to be able to get the things we like. You can get a lot of the things down there, but I have found that often times it is just like throwing your money away. I would estimate that 80-90% of the things you buy down there with a name brand is a knock off or what you might call boot leg. I bought a pair of "Sony" headphones and they busted the next day. I called them phonies. lol. Maybe you get what I am saying.......maybe not.

It is just kinda strange coming here after being in the town I am living in. You get to see how consumeristic we are here in America. There is nothing but stores to buy things here. So many stores. I am trying to not spend much, but it is hard cause I know there are things I need and want that I cannot get down there. AHHH!

I bought a return ticket for the 5th of May. I miss the guys at the center and the routine I was in. I have learned pretty well how to relax, but I miss home. I have quite a few people I would still like to see and I am hoping to gain a couple more financial supporters. LOVE=LOVE

We are back to 8 men in the program right now. We had our staff meeting this morning and it seems like this is a good number for us. Anytime we get more than 7-8 it does not seem to last for very long. I think it is tough for that many guys to live in small quarters for prolonged ammounts of time.

I recently purchased a male pitbull. I have wanted a dog for years and never felt like it was the righ time to get one. Well, I just went ahead and did it when the opportunity presented itself. I live alone and I know how great it is to have a dog around to keep you busy and laughing. It is a big responsibility as well, especially with a 7 week old puppy. I named him Gideon. He is golden, white face and legs...with baby blue eyes. Talk about a job man. I knew it was not going to be a cake walk, but this little thing is crazy. Just have to be patient, I guess.

I have been sick for the past 5 days with sinus pain and my body is aching as well. I had the same sort of stuff about a month ago. My friend Jimmy has it as well as many others in the area. I went and had blood drawn the other day because I thought I had dengue fever again. Hopefully I will start feeling better here in the next couple of days.

I taught at church last week and I am teaching again this week. I think it went pretty well and we all learned something. I hope to grow in this area as it continues to challenge me greatly. If you happen to read this, please pray.

Please pray for my friends Jared and Eileen Cantrell-their future, all of our finances as a team, and for our program and church. thanks!

Well, sometimes it seems as right after I tell how many guys are in the program we lose a couple. We are down to 9 men now. This is really just how it goes I guess. Since I have been involved back in Indy and here it has always been the same up and down with the numbers of program men. The guys had 4 days off this past Thursday-Sunday. It was Holy Week here and Costa Ricans typically take off the entire week, but we only gave them 4 days. I think it was probably kind of hard for them being away from family and wondering what everyone else was doing. Many of the families go to the beach during the week. I went last Thursday and it was jam packed. I got there early and I was ready to go around 2pm.

I just received an email from Jared and Eileen. They are stuck in Brazil...they will not let them leave because they do not have their yellow fever vaccine cards with them. They can either get another one...which that process will take about 10 days, in order to get new cards or someone can DHL the ones at their house. I am off to see what has happened. Peace

11 guys

We now have 11 guys in the program! I have heard from my friend Jimmy who is our program director that all of the programs across the country are full and so are we. This is going to work out good for us because we have a pretty big work load. We just recently obtained 2 contracts with the Marina. We are going to be doing some gardening and landscape work for them. These are the biggest contracts that the program has ever had. We are still waiting to hear back from the church in Colorado who is wanting to help us financially. They have told us that they started fun raising and are still coming in June with 60 people to do a childrens bible school and help us with building a shed for the woodmizer.

Jasmine and Michelle

My friend Jasmine came and visited with her friend Michelle this past week. It was great to see her and catch up. I needed a bit of a break from the action and daily responsibilities. I was able to relax, read a lot more than usual, eat a lot more than usual, and I really just got to laugh a lot. The girls were funny and refreshing for me to be around. I find that I tend to take things in life a bit to seriosly at times. I can also be pretty hard on myself and I was able to just laugh a lot and not worry about anything. We ate out quite a bit and also went on a canopy safari where you go zip lining through the jungle. It was a lot of fun and something different to do than just go to the beach. We fed the homeless on Friday morning the day before Jasmine left. There were about 20 or so men and women that were fed. I think this was our greatest turnout we have had. It was neat to sit back and watch it all unfolding(the feeding). At times I get selfish and say to myself,"ah man I have to go buy the stuff, prepare it," blah, blah, blah.......basically a bunch of complaining. Then I go do it and get blessed by doing so.

New Apartment and fast

I moved into my new apartment yesterday. It is going to cost me a little bit more, but I am excited to be in it. The apartment is about 7 to 8 times bigger than what I was in before. I think it is worth it. I was growing a bit weary of having basically no room to move around in my other apartment. This apartment is right above where the program is. I think that I am going to feel a bit more connected than I have in the past. My next step is to get a television and cable. I went without it for the past 4 months and have done ok, but I am finding that it is nice to be able to sit down and unplugg from the days events by watching a couple shows or a movie.

Church Meeting

We had a church meeting yesterday at my friend Laura and Kim´s house. The reason for the meeting is that there is a group(church) that has come down a few times and wants to help us out financially as well as manpower. They basically wanted us to put a wishlist together first, then come up with some big projects that they could do when they come down. We decided to have them build a pole barn for the wood mizer when they come down in July. They are also willing to give us $1000 per month for a location we can use for meetings, feeding our guys, youth activities, ect.... I think they are even going to help us get a vehicle of some sorts. This is a pretty huge blessing. They are committed to helping us for the next three years. I am sure that there will be more on the way as well. They are pretty zealous to help and generous as well.

We currently have 6 men in the program and I feel like we have a good group of guys. One of our men named Alejandro is going to be completing his program within this month. I am excited for him to be completing it and moving on to what God has for him next. He is from Jaco, which is about an hour bus ride from here in Quepos. He has some connections in Jaco with another church and Kim is trying to hook him up with a job at a hotel.

The program is currently rent free and we are looking at purchasing the place we are at if God so wills it. There are multiple apartments in the complex and it would be a neat little community for us if we are able to come up with the $50,000 down payment! Kim is trying to see if I can rent one of the apartments for what I am paying now at my apartment in Quepos. I would like to live in one of the apartments. The area is quiet and it would be nice to be closer to the program.

Today we started cleaning the beach in Manuel Antonio. This is a new work project of ours that we will do weekly. I think we came up with about 7-8 bags of trash today. I think that it is good for the people to see us cleaning up the trash and I think that it makes the people think twice about throwing there trash on the ground. Maybe not, maybe they will think that since someone is cleaning it up they can still throw it on the ground??

A big part of what God has been leading me to is evangelizing at night in the Mali Con, which is the dyke where many of the addicted, prostitutes, and drug dealers are. Some say it is dangerous, but I haven't felt scared yet. I spoke with what I suspected to be the ring leader the other night. I gave him a track and talked to him for awhile about what I am doing here, weightlifting and some about his life. Most of the responses I get from people are thank-you. Often times some think I am a tourist looking for drugs and they will ask me if I want marijuana or cocaine. My response is no and it is a good opening for what I am doing here and sharing the gospel. I get nervous at times, but I think God is growing me and wants to use me in this right now. A couple times some of the guys don't understand no and are insistant on selling the dope. One guy pulled it out crack a couple weeks ago and was like, sure you don't want some. No is a powerful word and the name of Jesus is a strong tower. After I tell the guys what I am about they either get umbarrassed, ashamed, or say I am sorry. I let them know that I was no different then they were and that there is a different life available to them. I love doing this. I go just about every night and try to pass out a couple tracks and at least meet a couple people to let them know that I am harmless and want to help. I spoke with a couple policemen the other night as well. I told them what I was there for and gave them some information on Christ. Alot of people make fun of tracks back in the states, but go to another country where you want to share the gospel with people and you don't exactly know how to speak the language just yet....they are helpful and there are a lot of people who have came to the faith from reading the word of God. The men in the dyke have grown up knowing nothing different than selling drugs and using them from what I gather and it is a great opportunity to let them know that there is salvation available to them.

Today at the beach I also started doing Operation Timothy, which is a basic discipleship manuel with one of the surfers named David. He seemed to enjoy it. He has been coming to church every Sunday and he seems genuinly interested. I hope that we can keep this up because I find that I learn a lot as well when I try to teach someone else. I so want to see lives changed and I feel like God is giving me a lot of direction lately with how I can be a part of the process in others lives. Ohhh, one more thing. I met a girl a couple weeks ago that wants help in her life and I think she is going to go to church with me on Saturday night. She is so ready for change and I can see Gods pursuit of her as I listen to her share her struggles with me. I have been praying for her and getting to know her over the past couple of weeks. Please pray for her and for my friend David, that God would change their hearts and be merciful towards them both.

Home

I was scheduled to leave for Nicaragua on the 27th but I received an email from my mother asking me if I would like to come home and watch the Colt's play. I took her up on the offer and I came home. I am about to leave to head back to my current home in Costa Rica. I am ready to get back there into the warm weather and work along side my friends. I feel like I have been super busy since I have been home. I am pretty much tired of shopping right now. I had fun finding things for a couple of the kids down there. It is more fun buying things for others than for myself. God has really blessed me with awesome friends here and in CR. Currently we are hoping to find some transportation so we can get back and forth to the sawmill. If anyone is interested in helping there is a motorcycle for sale. $1000.00 US. It is an important ministry tool that we really need.

This week has gone by really fast. My friends Laura and Kim Stilwell are holding a children's bible school that lasts two weeks. I helped out the other day as my friend Jimmy taught on David and Goliath. I played Goliath and a young kid played David. My role was short, but fun. I charged at the kid with a fake sword, yelled something in spanish, and he pretended like he hit me with a stone. I had fun participating. The center is going very well. We currently have 5 men in the program. One of our men, named Alejandro has one more month left in the program. He has expressed the desire to stick around and serve. He does an awesome job cooking for the house. From time to time he teaches me how to cook Tico style dishes. I have been cooking quite a bit as well. The other night I made fried coconut chicken, plaintains, and tomato slices which are a staple in most dishes down here. The fruits and veggies are so good. I go through about 30 bananas a week, dozen apples, a couple mangoes, 2-3 papayas, and an occasional pinapple.

On another note, being a follower of Jesus has been challenging in my relationships lately. My neighbor asked me to borrow 4 bucks about 3 days ago and he told me he would pay me the next day. Well, he never did, then when I saw him last night he gave me the runaround and said that he had to go to the bank and he would give it to me later on. Well, he never did. This is not the first time this has happened. Maybe, shame on me for doing it again. It is only 4 bucks, but more of the problem is the shuck and jive that I recognize all too well. Another "friend" on the beach that comes to church has wanted my watch for awhile. He had a watch on a couple weeks ago and wanted to trade. I would have just given him my watch, but he wanted to trade so I did. I felt like it was a nice way to bless someone. Well, I found out after wearing the watch for a week that it was fake. Beyond the fake watch I am trying to make a friend and I feel pretty used up. Maybe God is trying to teach me something. The challenging part is not doing something about it physically, just to be perfectly honest. Pride, anger, wrath, and all different sorts of emotions come up when I am wronged and feel manipulated. I know I have done my share in the past, so maybe this is how it feels. I try to practice the teaching's of Jesus, as far as give and it will be given to you...if someone wants to borrow let them borrow not expecting anything in return. The generous man will be prosperous......hopefully prosperity will come in heaven when I get there.

Jaco

I went to Jaco, Costa Rica the other day by bus. I had to go there in order to buy a bus ticket to go to Granada, Nicaragua. I have to leave here every 90 days for 3 days, then I can come back for another 90. I am looking forward to this trip. I will first go to San Jose and stay with my friend Jimmy´s sister and boyfriend. I love being around them and they want me to come and stay with them. I stayed with them over the summer and had a good time. Please pray for this trip as I will be traveling alone. I hear that food and shopping is about half of what it costs here! yay.

I have taught the past 3 weeks at church and I am ready for a break. It is fun and good to prepare to teach, but I am just ready for a break. Last week at church a lady who came for her first time came to Christ. She heard God´s word and something made sense to her. This was super encouraging to all of us. We have a nice location on the beach and one of our main objectives there is to befriend, encourage, teach, and hopefully train up some of the local surfers. We have been having quite a few more come lately, which is awesome. I like having them around.