Back Home

I have been back in the states now for a week. The first few days I was here I thought I was doing great and that I wasn't having a hard time adjusting, but I have been having a difficult time. I have been feeling pretty depressed and lost. I went from being around guys in recovery every day to just trying to raise support back in the states. I really miss being in Quepos doing what I was doing. As difficult as it was at times there, I really, really, miss being around the guys. I went to house church last night and felt like I was able to come out of my funk. I have been feeling lonely, out of place, and stressed. I was able to share with my friends what my experience was like. I was laying in bed kind of replaying yesterdays events and I thought about the program men. There was quite a bit of confrontation at times and I had to make some tough decisions as far as letting guys in the program or dismissing them. Some guys chose to leave on their own.....out time was often spent trying to convince them that they are making a bad decision. Some of these guys lived a hard life...I mean, they have had a way harder road than I ever had. Some had been in gangs, or still are.....My point is....I feel like I got to witness God begin a work in them. I saw a guy cry who probably hasn't cried since he was a baby. I saw one guy from El Salvador who had been walking the wrong way start asking questions about God and try to do right.....Even thought the men make bad choices and we have to deal with attitudes we get to see God begin a work in them....seeds are planted and watered. I mean guys come in hopeless and even when they leave early they still are going to have hope. I could ramble on forever and I feel like I cannot express how Christ changes people from the inside out. AHhh!

Last Sunday

My last Sunday here in Costa Rica was a blast. I had the chance to to teach, baptize a man, and watch a couple guys in the program put on boxing gloves and fight for fun. The man in the program is named Robert. He has a great story and lived a crazy life before coming here. He is 60 years old and grew up knowing nothing but gangs, drugs and he was also raised to believe in Buddism. He came to believe in Christ about a month ago and he just recently asked if he could be baptized. He confessed his sins and he confessed his belief in Jesus Christ, then we dunked him! We allow the guys to box every now and then for fun and it usually draws a ton of attention. A couple other guys stole the show....a real fight broke out about 30 yds down the beach. My last day at the beach was a memorable one.

San Jose Trip

I currently don´t have internet at the new house so I have had to go to an internet cafe to access email and update my blog. I was fortunate enough to go to San Jose with my friend Jimmy this past weekend. I stayed with his brother and sister. Right as you get into downtown San Jose you an tell that you are in the city. Quepos is laid back and relatively quite. San Jose´s downtown is packed with people, stores, homeless, bars, and restaurants. I kind of felt like I was in a movie or maybe it felt like it because I have watched a lot of foreign films? We went to Jimmy´s neighborhood and I quickly saw what he had described to me before we went. There are a bunch of homeless and the poverty is pretty bad....worse than what I have seen in the states. It was pretty cool to see Jimmy in action with people from his old neighborhood. He only talks to people about God, no sports or unrelevant topics. Drugs are dirt cheap and robberies happen often. You can tell that there is not much going on but evil...so his philosophy is to tell as many people about God while he is there. It was awesome to witness him interact with everyone...cause it seemed like everyone knew him. Jimmy was formerly a crack cocaine addict and huffed a lot of glue. He went to a program and has been clean for about 6 years now. He is married, has four kids, and is the director of the recovery program where I work. While in San Jose we visited one of the families of one of the men that is in the program. When Jimmy goes back to San Jose he routinely does this to help the families. We also ran into about half a dozen men who had left the program and Jimmy on a number of occasions when we were riding the bus would point out the window and say,¨there goes so and so." It was pretty insane to see so many guys from the program back out on the streets. I am convinced that I met a couple men who were demon possessed.( yes I do believe in demon possession). They were in active addiction and it was clear to me that I was not communicating with the man I was talking to. It was pretty sad and scary. One of the sadder things I have witnessed here in Quepos and in San Jose is the men that are alcoholics drink rubbing alcohol. It is about 50 cents and strong as all get out. Usually it is used to disinfect or light fires down here but they drink it. I saw one man awake and an hour or so later we went by him again and he was coma tose with an empty bottle laying next to him...all I could do is shake my head and ask God why? Pretty clear to me that we need to help others at whatever the cost is to us. Man it was sad. One of the coolest things to me is when you go into a Costa Rican families home they are extremely hospitable. Within 10 seconds of walking through the door you are offered food and it is usually already prepared. If it is not prepared they will ask you if they can make you something. Are you thirsty, are you hungry, do you want more? Wow it is awesome to be treated so well. I am also leaving next Tuesday morning. My plan is to get home and relax and try to raise support to come back asap. I love it here and I love working with the men. I am looking forward to seeing friends and family, but I am not looking forward to leaving relationships that I have started. See ya

We were without water at the new house for about 3 days. We ended up taking showers in the rain and underneath the run-off from the roof. It was kind of fun for a change. We thought that we were without water for something that happened in the city but it turned out that the landlord turned it off by accident. One other small problem that I am having currently is a rash over half of my body. I ate Chinese food the other night and about an hour after eating it I started itching all over. I went to the pharmacy yesterday and the doctor gave me a couple shots that should clear it up. It looks pretty gross and itches like crazy. It must be the MSG or something that caused an allergic reaction. Jared and Eileen have a great new home and it has been great being apart of it. I am winding down getting prepared to leave in a little less than two weeks.

Tough Decision

I made the decision to dismiss a young man from the program the other day. Really, he made the decision on his own by his actions, but it made it no less easier. He was 18yrs old and had graduated 4-5 months ago. He is a great kid and I have found that I miss seeing him around. Decisions such as these have many things you have to take into account: integrity of the program, standards of the program, the other men in the program, what is best for the man....ect.ect. After praying I made the choice to dismiss this young man and it has left me feeling a bit guilty and responsible. I know that it was the right decision, but I am still human and I grew attached to the guy. He was my favorite guy to talk to and he was a joy to be around daily. It is hard putting your feelings, attachments, and emotions to the side and making such a choice. The thought in addictions recovery for me is that if you make a decision to tell someone they have to leave they are most likely not going to do the right thing....cause they weren't doing it in the first place. It is somewhat of a heavy burden knowing what someone who was in addiction might goe back to. The hope is that they make the right decisions from here on out. Telling someone to leave sometimes is the best thing you can do for someone to bring reality to them that they aren't doing or thinking right. This guy was such a cool kid, only 18. I miss him being around the house.

Tough Week

This past week has been one of the tougher ones. Spiritually I have felt attacked and I have really felt up and down. One minute I am great and the next my mind is flooded with lies and condemnation. It helps to talk about it. I have heard from the Lord loud and clear that this is where the next chapter of my life is going to be and I have since that time noticed an increase in spiritual warfare. Jared and I did a power point the other day that will be very helpful to inform friends and family on how the center operates, what my needs are, and just an overview of how I fit into the picture. I return to the states on September 15th. I wanted to get home in time for Hebron's homecoming and also to participate in our golf fundraiser for Parry-Romberg's Resource. There is not much new going on other than the fact that we are moving out of the apartment and into a house at the end of next week. I am looking forward to coming home and raising support to return, God willing. I will be teaching again at church this Sunday. I am enjoying the preparation for preaching, although I am still a bit uncomfortable with presenting. It is different saying things than waiting for it to be translated...and there are distractions all around us as well.(church is on the beach) . It is pretty awesome to be a part of worship in public.

Sunday

I have been informed by a loved one that I need to use spell check on my blog. They are right. Since I have begun trying to learn Spanish my grammar has gotten progressively worse, as well as my spelling. Oh well. We have church on the beach in Manuel Antonio. I had the opportunity to teach/preach this Sunday. We looked over the passages in Matthew 8:23-27 where Jesus calms the storm.....we also looked at James 1:2-4 and 1 Peter 1:3-9 and discussed what we fear and how we should handle fears and trials when the arise. Many of the men in the program said that they feared falling( which means relapse back into addiction). That has been one of my biggest fears as well. Hopefully we can talk about this topic more throughout the week. Relapse does not happen all of the sudden. It is something that happens over time. It is a decision that is made long before it happens. Consistently reading God's word, praying, and having fellowship with other believers has kept me sober. I'm born again and I hope that most of these men come to realize who they are in Christ. I am still learning my identity in Him. Fearing something can be crippling to growth. I have feared relapse and I have found that my life is constructed in such a way that I have walls up all over the place to keep "bad stuff out." As a byproduct of this, some freedom in my walk with the Lord has been hindered. Of course God knows this and He has been gentle and patient to slowly take some of the walls I have built down. Once a man who was in addiction comes to Christ he is no longer an addict, nor does he any longer have to refer to himself as one. He is a new creation. He just has to learn what that looks like and search the scriptures to find out who he is in the Lord. Relapse to a past addict means failure. I have seen many friends fall and get back up stronger than before. I hope that a lot of these men find a new way of life and fall in love with the Lord. Most of these guys come from broken families, life on the streets, and many other sad circumstances. This program gives them the opportunity to establish a good foundation in the faith, learn some life skills, and learn how to be in relationship with one another. The entire house where these guys stay is probably about the size of a kitchen and a living room we have back in the states, and there are 9 men. If these guys can learn to live in community and love one another through the good and bad, they will be amply supplied to go and be productive members of a community back home.